Reuinted dating

Just Finished the Whole Manga Within a Week - Need to Decompress - BIG SPOILERS

2020.10.14 07:55 abegosum Just Finished the Whole Manga Within a Week - Need to Decompress - BIG SPOILERS

Just finished the whole manga in a week after a friend gave me the first few volumes. Holy hell, that was a rollercoaster. I just had to share a few thoughts to decompress and debrief after all of that. Needless to say, this is going to be spoiler-laden. Sasuga is a very gifted, if not a bit uneven, storyteller and the whole thing captivated me more than I expected.
Characters and Characterizations
This is the real meat of the series and where it surpassed my expectations greatly. Nearly all the characters in the manga come to life with the dialogue and backgrounds written. I found myself strongly attached to certain people (and not just members of the primary love triangle) and found my alliances shifting as I found out more backstory and saw them react to their motivations. There are a few places where the story stumbles badly with characters, and I'll get to that; but, overall the characters are the greatest asset in the book.
I found Natsuo to be extremely believable, likable, and interesting. He grew as the story went on, reacting poorly to setbacks in the beginning and learning coping mechanisms as challenges met him later on. Sasuga has said that she sees him as a bit of an "ideal man," due to his kindness and drive. I don't know that I completely agree that's how he came across. Natsuo definitely has a savior complex and it drives most of the problems in the series that aren't taboo-related. A lot of his troubles are of his own making by wanting to "fix" everyone's issues. This was extremely realistic as a character flaw and is portrayed well. I can't tell you how many times I slapped my forehead when Natsuo went off to help another friend, putting his own interests in real jeopardy, whether they wanted him or not.
Hina had unexpected depths that didn't arise early in the story. She seemed like a flirtatious person with a drinking problem, primarily driven by her id. Her acceptance of Natsuo's confession really put this immaturity on display.
As we find out more about her and see more of her actions later in the story, we realize that she's a deeply caring individual who hides lack of fulfillment behind a smile or a glass. The stronger her feelings grew for Natsuo, the more adult and selfless she became. In the beginning of the books, I found Hina annoying. By the end, I found her to be the most endearing character.
Hina's acceptance of Natsuo's confession is the lowest point of her character, and that's actually pretty telling. Considering how strongly she felt, it isn't surprising that she'd eventually give in to him. Even before that, she attempts to educate him about the risks by walking with him into the ocean and comparing their love to a potential double suicide. She finally grew weak enough to succumb to her feelings and date him.
The minute that this threatens him, she gives up her job to protect him. Doing so disheartens her such that she ends up giving up on her dream of teaching, which is increadibly sad even given the happy ending. Hina's motivations seem to be, in order, 1) Natsuo's future, 2) Natsuo's happiness, and finally 3) her own feelings about Natsuo as a distant third. From the point of her giving up her job forward, every Hina scene is about giving up something of herself to protect or help lift up Natsuo or Rui. This, obviously, isn't healthy overall; but, she finds herself in a catch-22 since her strongest personal desire will never be met.
My favorite character, I found her to be the one with the most growth while still being deeply flawed in the end. I think the character was probably designed to be Hina's foil / opposite from the ground up- she was isolated when Hina was very social, she had no access or knowledge of her id, when Hina was driven by it. The way she was presented evolved beyond the trope. When I look at early Rui, from her and Natsuo's initial "exchange of experiences" to her lack of knowledge on how to make friends, I can't help but think she'd be diagnosed as neuro-atypical (possibly with mild Asperger syndrome). She doesn't socialize well naturally. She instead has to practice and build a translation layer between motivations she doesn't understand and herself.
Seeing her grow to love Natsuo, I found myself very attached to her. I don't tend to take part in waifu wars; but, there was a point in the story where I was bracing for the dissapointment that Natsuo might not end up with her. However, as we got to know her, it became painfully clear that despite all the growing she did from her early days as a friendless transfer student, she was not able to handle Natsuo and her relationship in a mature way.
Her constant jealousy and secrecy (though that seemed to be a family trait) began to rub off on Natsuo near the middle of their relationship. Also, many of her surprising turns, while often appearing selfless on the surface, were actually selfishly motivated. Her breaking up with Natsuo can be read as selfless (and I think the character initially believes it is), as she wants to "be able to support him fully." However, she does so making certain that he has enough doubt in his mind about her that he can't truly move on, freeing her to pursue her career while leaving him a bit on a string (take, for example, her insistence on wearing the necklace or her questioning Natsuo before he left whether breaking up meant that their time meant nothing). Taken with the full scope in play- her estrangement in America, Natsuo's failure to write (she never inquired enough to even know)- and these actions feel less like innocent gestures and more like manipulation.
Then there's the whole engagement breakoff thing. I don't think the author intended this; but, that, too, felt a bit selfishly motivated. While Rui appears to be doing it in order to honor Hina, she admits to herself that she feels she can't compete with Hina. It's important to note that this isn't something that's even necessarily true, from Natsuo's perspective. It's her giving in to her own insecurities once she knew how deeply her sister loved him. I found that motivation, given that he loved her and was planning a future around her, extremely self-centered. Despite all her growing, Rui let her own insecurities hurt Natsuo and deprive him of a companion. Given that Hina's condition was expected to never improve, this was basically a life sentence. I found myself angry with her at that point, even as Natsuo readily agreed because he, like Hina, would give up anything for the people he loves.
Ultimately, I still loved Rui's character; but, it was clear that she didn't grow to the point where she could have maintained a healthy relationship with Natsuo. I found this tragic and disappointing (of the character, not the writing).
Other Memorable Characters
God damn it, Momo's arc was initially so sad. It was clear how lonely she was from the get go, and her interest in Natsuo only solidified into infatuation when he treated her with respect despite her self harm. While the scene of Natsuo finally confessing to Rui was one of the emotional high points of the story to me, what immediately preceeded it- leaving Momo, literally and figuratively naked, vulnerable, and alone- was devastatingly heartbreaking. At this point in the story, I was clearly hoping for him and Rui to be together. That scene made me forget it entirely, for just a moment, and hope that he'd give her a chance.
I was so thankful that Momo got the happy ending she deserved, while not sacrificing the unique character she was. While a few of the others (Barusu and Fumin, for example) seemed to be reduced by their relationships to tropes of themselves, Momo was always the happy girl who loved everybody and owned her sexuality.
I'll be honest here- Miyabi should have been a contender for Natsuo's heart. I loved her arc of dismissing him early on and then seeing his resolve. Her feelings that develop for him felt so honest, and her lack of knowledge of how to express them endearing.
Additionally, the two characters had such extreme drive that they would have served each other well while still understanding each other's frustrations. She's the one who found a way to truly help Natsuo during his big slump (despite Hina's attempts). Her teaching him to express himself through acting was the best gift that anyone in the story gave him. She's sweet and supportive, cares deeply about him, and brings out the absolute best in him.
When Natsuo turned her down, I literally dropped my head into my tablet with a sigh. "Really, man?", I thought. "You couldn't even give your feelings a chance to grow now that you feel Rui and Hina are both unattainable?" I know that one of the major themes with this story is that the heart wants what the heart wants; but, damn it, this hurt.
I mentioned before that the story stumbles with characters, and Al is the main example. I can forgive a trope-like, stereotypical American character. Al's initial boisterous attitude and forwardness is endearing, if not a bit annoying.
But, let's be completely clear here: he attempted to rape Rui.
There are no ifs, ands, or buts about this. Al forced himself onto Rui, pushed her onto a futon, tore open her clothing, and was only stopped when Natsuo intervened. No amount of drinking matters when evaluating this- it's attempted rape, pure and simple.
I found the dismissal of this so unbelievable that it bordered on insulting. I have heard the arguments that it's a cultural thing that everyone would try to just get along, and it's possible I just don't understand. However, Rui herself being interested in Al after this still doesn't feel at all realistic to me. I've known victims of attempted rape and sexual abuse. While it is possible to heal and move on, I can't imagine any of them ever being completely at ease with their attackers (let alone consider dating them).
My only explanation is that this was a bit of a narrative misstep, that Al was supposed to push a boundry and remain a valid character and the rape scene was a mistake. Nevertheless, I couldn't see him as anything but a scumbag from that point forward.
Jesus Christ, as a new father, this one nearly broke me. I figured Togen was going to be the "rough teacher with a gentle side" cliche, but he turned out to go way past that. When we discovered that Forester's star playwrite was his daughter and the flashback about his son occured, I had to put everything down and take a break. When he died and it showed him reuinted with his son in the afterlife, I couldn't stifle sobs.
In addition to that, his relationship with Natsuo as a surrogate father and mentor is very fleshed out and well played. Togen is an amazing character, despite being a somewhat ancilary cast member until the end.
Plot and Scenes
The series has a lot of comedic filler; but, I think it shines most at the dramatic climaxes. The scenes that always jump to mind are the night when Rui is frantically searching for her hair pin. The moment Natsuo realizes that she can't let go because it was given to her the first time he called her cute was such a turning point. It could have fallen completely flat, but was handled with expert pacing and tension.
Additionally, all the confessions felt like watershed moments, even when they turned out to be misfires (still mad about Miyabi). Every one of them tugs at the readers heart strings and drives the pace forward.
The comedy was fine, though a bit sophmoric. The interlude when all the guys are trying to figure out whose bra they found felt very forced, like a bad 80's coming of age film. I felt the comedy really shown through with some of the throwaway lines, however. When a character would be replaced by an angry chibi version of themselves and respond in a funny way, it broke up the drama and gave the reader a welcome smile.
The initial plot device, the twin taboos of teacher / student and step-sibling relationships, is an obvious contrivance. I was pretty quick to forgive that, considering how likable most of the characters became. For me, at least, the idea of these things being taboo quickly became rather toothless.
The greater of the two (in my opinion) is the teacher / student taboo. Hina and Natsuo's age discrepency is small enough that it would be dismissed just a few years after their relationship bloomed and ended. That said, there's the hierarchical aspect- teacher and student relationships inherently cause a conflict of interest. Second, there's the adult vs juvenile aspect. Natsuo was a fairly mature teenager; but, Hina had just enough of a lead that she should have been the adult in the scenario and stopped the relationship before it could start. The fact that she didn't is the most significant misstep her character ever makes, and arguably her most self-serving choice.
As for the step-sibling relationship, I've never known anyone in the scenario. However, it really failed to seem like a big deal other than some potential for others to clutch their pearls in horror. Maybe I'm missing something huge here, and there are definitely aspects that would be awkward; but, hardly it seemed hardly as bad as the comic wanted to sell us. The one part of this that made a difference is that there's a love triangle between the three of them, which added a little bit more of an "ick-factor" to the step sibling aspect.
I guess, especially in the frame of a high-school melodrama, the taboo hardly seemed as important as the relationship tug of war between Rui and Hina.
The Ending
I'll start by saying that where the story went and landed is perfectly fine. I don't particularly disagree with any of the ending twists or the conclusion as written. I say this as someone who was rooting for Rui for probably 3/4 of the series.
All that said, some of volume 27 and pretty much all of volume 28 felt hackneyed and rushed. The time jump after Hina's accident forced everything to be told by exposition or flashback, which seems to have been a poor choice. Further, Hina's "miraculous recovery" was reduced not only to a single chapter, but to a single panel within a chapter. This was a terrible disservice to character and is a perfect example of when writers are warned to "show, don't tell." Again, I have no problem with the fairy tale ending, and I think Rui's odd actions actually track well with the faults of her character. But, it all felt unearned as a narrative, as if Sasuga was summarizing the story she'd written somewhere else. I want to know more about Natsuo's daughter and their family dynamic. I want to see more of how Hina overcame her injuries and how she was motivated. Instead, we're told "their dynamic is good" and "she overcame them with love." This was dissatisfying.
I also have to echo someone else- the fact that his book was a titular reference felt cliched and forced; but, that didn't bother me too much. This series dealt with a lot of cliches and tropes, often in a playful way, so it was par for the course.
Overall, I'm very glad to have read this. The characters resonated well, the "special moments" in the plot stuck with me, and the melancholy plotlines geniunely landed and touched me. I would like to have seen v28 expanded into maybe 1 or 2 more volumes of chapters so that we'd better know how we got where we are; but, I'm still overall okay with how things ended.
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2016.08.24 20:07 OWThreads [Spoilers] Overwatch Open Group Stage / Schedule & Discussion

Tournament Information

Date August 24 - August 28, 2016
Prize Pool $168,000
Teams 32

Quick Info

Map pool

Assault Maps
  • Hanamura
  • Temple of Anubis
  • Volskaya Industries
Escort maps
  • Dorado
  • Route 66
  • Watchpoint: Gibraltar
Hybrid maps
  • Hollywood
  • King's Row
  • Numbani
Control maps
  • Ilios
  • Lijiang Tower
  • Nepal




Language Stream Link
English Overwatch Open


Talent Lineup

Qualified Teams

Misfits Bikini Melty Anox Rogue Gatekeepers Prets Immortals
Reuinted bfly Bringos NiP Luminosity NNY OWKings Creation
North America
EnVyUs Bye Selfless Splyce Cloud9 EcksDee TBD Sodipop
fnatic Geckofox TBD Team Liquid Complexity NG Method NRG


Group A Group B
Misfits Rogue
Bikini Gatekeepers
Melty Prets
Anox Immortals
Group C Group D
Reunited Luminosity
Bfly NNY
Bringos OWKings
NiP Creation
North America
Group A Group B
EnVyUs Cloud9
Bye Ecks Dee
Selfless TBD
Splyce Sodipop
Group C Group D
fnatic Complexity
Geckofox NG
TBD Method
Team Liquid NRG


  • We're using a 24 Hour Clock
  • If times are in Italic, the match starts the next day
  • Click on a Result to view the Full Match Stats

Day 1 Group A - Wednesday August 24

Team 1 vs Team 2 Result Match Info EDT BST CEST
-- -- Europe -- -- -- -- --
Misfits vs Bikini A1 2-0 Link 13:30 18:30 19:30
Melty vs Anox A2 0-2 Link 15:00 20:00 21:00
Winner of A1 vs Winner of A2 A3 0-2 Link 16:30 21:30 22:30
-- -- North America -- -- -- -- -- --
EnVyUs vs Mono A4 2-0 19:00 00:00 01:00
Selfless vs Splyce A5 2-0 20:30 01:30 02:30
Winner of A4 vs Winner of A5 A6 2-0 22:00 03:00 04:00

Day 2 Group A - Thursday August 25

Team 1 vs Team 2 Result Match Info EDT BST CEST
-- -- Europe -- -- -- -- --
Melty vs Bikini B1 2-0 12:00 17:00 18:00
Misfits vs Melty B2 2-0 13:30 18:30 19:30
-- -- North America -- -- -- -- -- --
Selfless vs Splyce B3 1-2 19:00 00:00 01:00

Day 2 Group B - Thursday August 25

Team 1 vs Team 2 Result Match Info EDT BST CEST
-- -- Europe -- -- -- -- --
Rogue vs GK C1 2-0 15:00 20:00 21:00
Tornado.ROX vs Faze C2 0-2 16:30 21:30 22:30
-- -- North America -- -- -- -- -- --
C9 vs Huckleberry C3 2-0 22:00 03:00 04:00
Sea Algae vs Sodipop C4 0-2 23:30 04:30 05:30

Day 3 Group B - Friday August 26

Team 1 vs Team 2 Result Match Info EDT BST CEST
-- -- Europe -- -- -- -- --
Rogue vs Faze D1 1-2 13:30 18:30 19:30
Tornado.ROX vs GK D2 2-0 15:00 20:00 21:00
Rogue vs Tornado.ROX D3 2-0 16:30 21:30 22:30
-- -- North America -- -- -- -- -- --
C9 vs Sodipop D4 2-0 19:00 00:00 01:00
Huckleberry vs Sea Algae D5 2-0 20:30 01:30 02:30
Sodipop vs Huckleberry D6 2-0 22:00 03:00 04:00

Day 4 Group C - Saturday August 27

Team 1 vs Team 2 Result Match Info EDT BST CEST
-- -- Europe -- -- -- -- --
Bringos vs NiP E1 0-2 11:30 16:30 17:30
RNTD vs NiP E2 2-0 13:00 18:00 19:00 vs Bringos E3 0-2 14:30 19:30 20:30
NiP vs Bringos E4 2-0 16:00 21:00 22:00
-- -- North America -- -- -- -- -- --
FNC vs Mono E5 2-0 18:00 23:00 00:00
Team Liquid vs Colorado Clutch E6 2-1 19:30 00:30 01:30
FNC vs Liquid E7 2-0 21:00 02:00 03:00
Mono vs Clutch E8 0-2 22:30 03:30 04:30
Liquid vs Clutch E8 2-0 23:30 04:30 05:30

Day 5 Group D - Sunday August 28

Team 1 vs Team 2 Result Match Info EDT BST CEST
-- -- Europe -- -- -- -- --
OWKings vs Dignitas F1 0-2 11:30 16:30 17:30
Luminosity vs Dignitas F2 2-0 13:00 18:00 19:00
NNY vs OWKings F3 0-2 14:30 19:30 20:30
Dignitas vs OWKings F4 2-1 16:00 21:00 22:00
-- -- North America -- -- -- -- -- --
NRG vs Method F5 2-1 19:30 00:30 01:30
Rise Nation vs NRG F6 0-2 21:00 02:00 03:00
Complexity vs Method F7 0-2 22:30 03:30 04:30
Rise Nation vs Method F8 1-2 00:00 05:00 06:00

Match times are susceptible to delay & change. They are not controlled by us or any other member of the Post-Match Thread Team. ⚠

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2015.06.17 09:08 CelibatePower Planting Subconcious Seeds; Ejaculation is Perfectly fine!

Warning this may change your Opinion about NOFAP

I want to talk about something that may strike the Nofapper in the heart is something Unconventional. While I feel that Nofap may have opened my eyes to some different
strengths that may occure, the mystery to "Seminal retention" and the benefits thereof remain a mystery to me.
No doubt, I've experienced the lean face, Hot blooded Face of masculinity that seminal retention beyond the 1st week gives you, only to find that, other than looking
more "Manley" - other areas of my life suffered, namely social interaction, general sense of well being, any other factores deteriorating.
See, I believe we live in a thought world, and thought universe. And if you don't plant seeds or Goals out there into the universe, I think really you life won't have
any direction, or better yet, general well being. If you take a look around you, you notice some Fappers are Having great success in their two weeks, and some have
been doing this for years on end and havn't improved one way or another socially or spiritually.
So what is the cause of this? What causes some of us to do well and others to not? Again, I'd like to go back to the whole notion of planting Seeds. But first, I want
to give you a quick anecdotal on my journey so that maybe some of you can learn from my mistakes.
At this moment, I am a 30 year old man. IT's been a long and interesting journey, and I look forward to life as it goes on. I want to give you a quick anecdotal. I
spent most of my 20's fapping. In fact, I didn't find Nofap until I was about age 26. But the happiest times in my life, were in fact before I knew anything about

First time I tried Nofap

I'll be honest. The first month was interestingly great. But after that, I found myself, night after night in blue ball pain trying to convince myself that If I could
just get through it, it will make me a more manlier person and things will look up. 5 months later, I was in a job I absolutely hated, My social skills were at an all
time low, and it didn't matter how long of a streak I went on, the quality of my life had no appearant effect on wether or not I had sex, Masturbated, or withheld from
porn. But I kept going on this boat, thinking I would somehow fall into some life changing a-ha moment, but to no avail. Interestingly, on the longest streaks, my
habits would actually get worse. I found myself, rather than getting a sexual release, finding little or zero restraint in terms of eating; drinking alcohol, and other
It seems the trade off, of killing my libido entirely was causing me to seek some sort of happiness in other avenues. This pattern, still continues to this day. Day 1
-9, I find I can follow a more regulated eating and exercise pattern. But after day 9-14 and beyond, seems I can't keep a steady workout schedule, my body feels old
and on it's way out, and I crave junk food all the time. Extended periods of celibacy (hard mode) don't seem to change that.

The Happy Fapper

I used to read a lot of Self help books when I was young. Think and Grow Rich, The Secret, The Science of getting Rich. A lot of these books, helped me set and
visualie goals, to really re-program my subconcious into getting what I wanted. I fapped everyday of course, and my porn use, really didn't seem to have an affect on
my self esteem, much. If anything, it did cause me to be a little bit cloudy minded at times, but what person isn't? - There were bouts of depression, and happiness;
and really it all had to do with what subconcious seeds I was planting, if I was planting any at all. What's the premise?
Well, it came down to this. Think happy thoughts, get happy things. Think bad thoughts, get unhappy things. Sounds simple right? Well it actually was. Now don't get me
wrong. I've had hard times before. But I have to say, out of all the good and bad times I've ever experienced, convincing myself that somehow fapping or not
ejaculating was actually good for me, did more damage in the past couple of years then I ever expected, and I'll explain further.

Planitng Subconcious Seeds

At around age 20 I began to visualize positive things I wanted in life. simutaneously, I watched a lot of porn. Things didn't really seem to change me all that much.
Am I saying porn is not bad? absolutely not. I think there may be some long term detrimental effects, such as cognition and memory, but that's the extent of it; As far
as happiness goes, I watched porn and planted my positive seeds, and interestingly, I got positive results. I sometimes would date cute girls, or experiemented and
failed, I would sometimes be confident to chicks and flirt, and sometimes be a total doof. It was hit in miss. I'm sure lack of porn or trying nofap back then would
have increased this 20%, but in my opinion, not much (reasons below)
But the point is this. I dated chicks. Not only did I jerk off just about every day, from ages 20-21 I remember dating girls all the time. I was girl crazy. I loved
chicks everywhere I go. I even landed myself a Hot Milf at age 21 and I had no fucking idea how. I was in love with this woman so much but it didn't work out; but
still it was a very happy time in my life, something I hvn't experiened in a long time! It probably had something to do with me Jerking off, and visualizing positive
things all the time. But if you don't believe me that's fine. I couldn't tell you how I did it. I just know that I planted positive thoughts and seeds, and tried to
remain happy through it all. I never once considered not jerking off as any type of solution to give me strength in anything.


I don't think porn was the culprit. I had many different jobs in my 20's. I tried a lot of things when finding myself. Taxi cab driver, Grocery store clerk, Salesman,
you name it, I tried it. But I kept fapping away through my early 20's, and I stopped setting goals. And when I stopped setting goals, the negativity and depression
crept in. This lasted a few years. Through all this, I researched to see if, in fact, fapping or porn was doing anything to me and I never found it. (YBOP wasn't
around at that time.)

The Comeback, Porn, and Living in my Car

So I had a good long look at my life, and tried to figure things out. I found, that when I had a good positive self image, and set positive goals and visions in my
mind, things would happen. Inertia picked up, energy would follow, and motivation would follow. The next scope of events would change the fuck out of my life quicker
than I could say, Abracadabra.
I remembered to myself... "You know what.. whenever I thought positive of myself.. when I had an image of my mind of how I wanted to be, where I wanted to be, what I
would do.. Strange magical energies would ensure and life would change." - So on that note, I did exactly that. I just wrote down a bunch of things I wanted in life to
happen; and I began to visualize it everyday, or every other day. I was planting spiritual seeds. I was still watching / jerking to porn everyday, thinking it was
doing no harm. (Which, to this day, I think it doesn't do that much harm really)
The first thing I noticed, was that my confidence went up. One day, I was walking along the street and, being out of work, I felt inclined to ask if they were hiring.
They were. And from there, I landed a job. the pay was good, and I was being trained. I had a bunch of other goals too that started to happen. My band got back
together and we started to do practices. I even was flirting with girls online. HA! I even had subconcious visions of myself going to parties and flirting with girls..
and I was getting random invites to parties from not just my bandmates but people online.
I was doing all of this, and still fapping to porn everyday. I was even going to Bars, and my bandmate was always introducing me to new women and even helping me up my
game. But through all of this, I realized game wasn't even something that anyone had to get good at, or do, or become to manipulate.. I realized that we are all
spiritual beings, and it's our duty to plant the seeds of what you want to happen in life. I remember an instance where my bandmate said.. "Why aren't you confident
man? Come on get to it!"
I told him "Give me a week, ok?" - So I planted a subconcious seed, (meaning I started to visualize) myself talking to an attractive women at a spot we used to
frequent. Well about a week later, we were all talking to a girl, and she was just drawn to me for no reason. We were getting numbers left and right, seemingly,
without ease; I suppose because I was watching so much porn and fapping everyday I wasn't as agressive as I should have been, but I was still interacting and
socializing non the less. On top of that, my band was starting to take off. Life was pretty good, life was magical. I was working 70 hour weeks, sometimes partying on
the weekends, (drinking), and STILL having energy for band practices!
It wasn't because I wasn't fapping or retaining semen and depriving myself, it was becaause I had so many positive visual goals in my mind circulating all the time
that naturally my subconciouss just pushed me in all different directions of my life! There came a point where, I was being transferred from one living place to
another, and I somehow managed to convert my car into a sleeper for a week. That week I slept in my car. I remember specifically opening my laptop after converting my
car windows into closed blinds and watching porn in the Parking lot, and then going to sleep afterwards.
The next day I parked by the beach and walked around feeling positive vibes. See, my porn use in my opinion had nothing to do with the quality of my life. It was all
the goals I was setting and all the events that were put into motion through my subconcious enacting them.
And it had nothing to do with nofap.
It was all just planting subconcious seeds and sending out positive vibes and getting it in return.

More Depression

Then something happened. Two close people to me died that year, and I fell into a depression. I stopped dreaming. I stopped believing and life followed suit. The next
4 years would be the most termulous in my life that I would ever experience, but it was all for a lesson I suppose. Now I discovered nofap. I stopped believing in the
Universe, in My goals, in my dreams, and I thought I would give this Nofap thing a try. It toughened me up. My life just became "tough." - Rather than plant these high
goals that gave me the inertia and energy to do the magical things I did when I was younger, nofap just made me tough enough to deal with more and more bullshit. The
years passed, so called "Relapses" would happen, and the guilt would follow.
Well I am a believer in you get what you attract, so if you feel "Guilt" you're just gonna feel more guilt. The years came on and I Forgot all about the subconcious
secrets, planting seeds and goals that would harvest and just lived a "normal" life; a life without magic or adventure. I became very dull, closed off, and my social
life dwindled. I thought I was becoming tougher and all of the nofap forums encourgaed me to continue, but my life was just sucking more and more as time went on. I
convinced mysef that If I can just abstain longer somehow my life would improve.
I was wrong.
I developed severe tensions that I never were thought possible. I became a living ball of stress. Sure I was tougher, but I was also emotionless, agitated, and
downright just unpleasant to be around. And the worse part is, due to some weird mystic hindu yogi laws, this shit only got more powerful as more semen was retained.
So a 30 day streak of seminal retention meant that, if I was in a bad mood, everyone within 30 feet of me could feel that energy and were usually repelled.
Good or bad? You be the judge.

Long Term Hard Mode Energetic Barrier

Something happens after the long term nofappers celibacy increases. They become tense. The world around them becomes conflicting with strong energies. You can feel the
energy of everyone around you. Sometimes, the energy of people is so strong it gives you a tension in your back. You have trouble relaxing. The elements don't affect
you as much. Food doesn't taste that good. You begin to lose energy. You begin to stay awake longer. You can't think clearly or straight, and life seems to become less
productive. I recall, not to long ago, unable to get up from the couch when I had so much to do; and after 1 fap; my head cleared and immediately I got busy.
Whatever this is, the Hindu, Chinese and others recommend Kundilini "Yoga" or the "Microcosmic Orbit" or "Meditation" to soothe this newfound agitation, energy, or
energetic barrier. Well whatever the FUCK this is ! I've tried it all! I once sat in my living room, in the midst of my Nofap stupidity, trying to calm this wave of
agitation, lack of motivation, fear of leaving the house, overbearing energy, to no avail! Whatever this energy is.. It's the kind of energy that, if you were to make
eye contact with someone, they turn their head out of fear. And there is no choice in it. You have no choice, they have no choice. Because.. it's just simply..
The good news is, Kundilini Yoga, Meditation, Microcomic orbiting and all that other shit, supposedly keeps you in good "Flow" and allows you to function normally. The
bad news is, if you've really sat there and tried to do, and feel this shit time after time again, to no avail, it leaves you pretty much fucked. Now don't get me
wrong, when I say I've TRIED I mean I've REALLY REALLY tried to circulate my chi energy, because God knows I hate leaving the house on a 14 day streak only to find
that, I am constantly battling with being nice to the guy at the bus stop, or figuring out how quick I can break his neck.
The point is, Long term nofap not only turned me into an Angry, ticking time bomb waiting to explode, I essentially became the guy every Clint Eastwood character
portrayed simply by walking down the street and not getting any sexual release for two weeks. Now you're talking to a guy who worshipped Bruce Lee, Crouching Tiger
Hidden dragon movies when he was younger.. I even took martial arts for years, so if there was anyone who wanted to learn Qi Gong Chi circulation, it was me.
But it never worked.
And the methodists say, that when you retain semen it can go one of two ways. Either you will have the most blissful, heavenly life you will ever have..
Or you will have the most miserable, shitty experience ever.
I'll keep trying on that Yin and Yang, but for now, I think having a release before I get too out of hand is the answer to me.

Misconception that it Gets girls

My new found manliness was great. I liked the fact that I could work 12 hours and take the abuse. Or that I could be abused and not really let it get to me much.
Standing on my feet for 12 hours, or digging all day. These benefits were nice, and came usually around 4-7 days anyway. But my conversational abilities, general aura,
and ability with women was instantly zapped. I was a social retard for the next 3 years. My conversational abilities with women were non-existent. Hell, my
conversational abilities with just about everyone got knocked down about 10 notches. What the fuck was going on here?
Still, ignorantly I touted that I was more manley, as I walked through civilizations, strolling the Plazas in an angry, blue-balled tensuous stupor, looking around,
noticing every woman around me, who most likely could feel the unlaid hot anger eminating off my body. "Nah, I'm manley, that's what I am. I havn't fapped in 30 days.
Look how fucking manley I am. I can stand here all day and not break a sweat."
"I bet if someone challenged me I could beat them up, no sweat. I bet I look real tough right now, look at how stiff and angrily I walk all the time because my balls
are heavy. Yeah I'm tough everyone can feel it.."
So that went on for about 3 years. Then I started to notice something. No matter how Tough, Alpha, or Strong I went out, I didn't see women with just other Tough,
Alpha, Strong guys (Whatever the fuck that is) - I actually saw hot chicks everywhere, with all different types of guys. Dweeby, out of shape nerd types. Guys wearing
lime green polo shirts and kakhis.. and flip flops.
WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON HERE????????? I'M THE GUY WITH THE 30 DAY NOFAP STREAK. YOU SHOULD BE WALK.. Oh wait... Then I remembered. I was 24. I used to fap everyday.
I walked on the beach with this hottie I was dating in college. (again, I have no idea how I pulled her, because ever since I started nofap, I forgot what it was like
to game, much less talk to girls in general, don't ask me.)

The Barrier of Agression

So here we are back to that Barrier of Aggression. After about 3 years of searching, all I could find was Hindu men name Ashtaki Ozali or Himbulu Hakalooki talking about how semen retention is so great that men in their' 60's have dark hair, full of strength, blah blah blah blah.. etc. Meanwhile, I havn't had a normal conversation with a girl in like 3 years, and I'm still on this "Retaining Semen" is good for you crap. I even did searches and the only thing that would pop up is anecdotal quotes from YBOP's sister website, talking about how you should never ejaculate.. meanwhile all of this advice is coming from a WOMAN.. named MARINA..
WHAT THE FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
And it's this weird Barrier of Aggression that didn't allow me to feel anymore. I couldn't feel. Anything. I couldn't feel romance, I couldn't feel, music as much.. even a beer didn't taste as good nor relax me.. It's as if I just become completely stoic to my environments.. now if that is strength.. I don't like it. I want to feel. Isn't that what life is about?

Planting seeds again.

I began to notice a pattern. Life on a 7 day cycle wasn't so bad. For instance, if I had a SINGLE ejaculation, and then waited a few days until my next one.. life wasn't that bad. It started to become nice again. I started to feel like my old self. I started to get inspired. Things were making sense. I could feel positive vibes. In fact, I started to plant positive subconcious seeds again, and they were harvesting. Shit started happening. I would get job offers. Sometimes, a chick woudl come up to me and talk to me, or come around me. This was totally the opposite of what all this pro-nofap nonsense was pushing me towards. But like a die hard slave, I continued with my abstinence.
About 14 days in, I began to feel like shit. My subconcious seeds were disappearing. I was feeling like my old self. I fooled around with my girlfriend and BAM! I HAD a HUGE ORGASM!!!!! - And the strangest thing is, all of those subconcious thoughts of positivity and flow rushed back liked a fuckin' freight train. It was the strangest experience I've ever had. It's almost as if not ejaculating gets me so pent up that it just blocks any of the positive subconcious seeds I planted.


In closing, I want all NoFappers to really not take this shit so fucking seriously. Take it from a guy, who took Life too seriously.. who took NOFAP too seriously! There is this thing there that is here to help you, it's called.. God.. the Universe.. or your fucking subconcious.. it's the shit that controls your dreams, your spirit and your destination, and that really is going to determine your happiness! It's what really , when you ride your bike down the street and you feel some kind of presence or energy in the wind, and the ocean looks like a carribean paradise. YOu can be living in the shittiest of situations but if you know how to plant... spiritual seeds.
Then I truly think your life will improve tremendously. Take it from me.. I was a fucking daily fapper.. but somehow, strange magical energy had me meeting women all the time at bars without even trying, mostly band member kept pushing me or helping, but even on my own. See, I think it's all of our duty to figure out how to tap into our own power, our own energy.
I also want to make note that, somehow if you experiencing this blockage, this depression, this anger, tension and anxiety from nofap, that it may just be robbing you from blessings that are knocking their door down. See we live in a thought world, everything is energy, and if the energy you are giving off is nothing but shitty, bad, feeling like shit, blue balls, angry.. you won't recieve any blessings. Case in point, I broke a 40 day streak, where I was crawling on the floor, didn't even have any energy to move thinking I was in flatline. I fapped a few times and went to the park.. out of the blue..
some girl comes up to me starts talking to me. So you see, we live in a spiritual world; you can sit here and give yourself blue balls for 40 days thinking there is some big pay-off in the end, but the truth is, you're most likely fleeting from all the things you want. Everything you want is within you, your mind, and your spirit; and if nofap some-how is agitating the fuck out of you, you may just be robbing yourself of good things to come.
In closing (again) - I'm not telling you guys to go out and be porn addicts, and fap all day and get hooked, but just don't believe everything you hear especially based on psuedo science, you're not a lab rat, you have a soul, and spirit and subconcious and it guides you and grants you things, on top of that.. take it form a porn addict who lived in his car, still worked 70 hours a week, managed to play in a band, and meet women on the side.. now LOL on top of that.. Even when I was living in my car.. I was STILL feeling happy and great! Because happiness comes from within!
So don't do something if it makes you unhappy. Peace and blessings.
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